2014 – Year of the Spawn


I spent New Years Eve sick. I had to get woken up out of a half sleep at midnight in order to receive my first kiss of 2014.

I’m still recovering from the cold, but I’m fine to work and move around and basically not be in bed all day. Just really snotty and kind of gross.

My last midwife appointment of 2013 was interesting. M2 was on vaycay, so I had a duplicate appointment with M1. (Usually I alternate between the two of them.) M1, however, was attending a birth, rather than attending to me. I, of course, am fully on board with this. When I go into labor I want to take priority over someone just getting a checkup. Anyways, I met with a whole new midwife who was very apologetic and nice. It was a quick appointment, but she felt around for awhile to confirm that 1. Spawn is currently Goldilocks size-wise (not too big, not too small) and 2. Spawn is head-down and in launch position. (She gave it about a 95% confidence level.)

I sort of assumed something of the like was going on, as the shape and location of my belly has changed rather drastically. Even MFH noticed that the largest part of the bump has moved lower and more outward, rather than high up and tucked into my boobs. Most of the time Spawn’s (assumed) butt and feet hang out on my right side, but occasionally I get a perfect alignment. While it’s entirely possible that Spawn will spin again, it’s also possible that head down is the set position until birth. I’m going to stay hopeful and think that a breach is unlikely.

The movement can be uncomfortable, but It doesn’t stop me from sleeping ever. Spawn’s hiccups also never seem to last all that long, never getting to the annoyance point of an eye-twitch that won’t go away. (Or my own never-ending hiccups, for that matter.)

I do, however, find I am learning new methods to peeing. I can’t just go to the bathroom now. I have to concentrate, shift my weight around, and occasionally stand up and sit back down in order to really empty my bladder. Spawn’s weight on it seems to alternatively make me need to pee more, and also have more of an issue actually emptying it, so that I have to go again minutes after the last time. This isn’t so terrible at home, but makes commuting a bit awkward. It also means that I’m up between 2 and 5 times every night. Still compensating for the interrupted sleep by trying to just be in bed longer. So far that seems to be working out okay.

Another symptom I’m having is a bit more weird. I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with the smell of smokers. Even right now, as plugged up as I am, I can smell them from feet away. It makes me instantly nauseous and I have to move away from them. I’ve given up multiple seats on my commute now because of this. Not sure what the deal is, or why it’s suddenly ramped up into so much of a problem for me, but there you are.

Oh, also, in the interest of full disclosure, I had a very bizarre dream. Basically one of boobs started spraying milk. But…like a firehose. It was almost a weapon. So odd.

Nursery is really starting to pull together. I’ve worked on some fussier parts over the last week and a bit, and I hope to finish up the last of the big projects this weekend. Still, I won’t have the finished reveal until later this month/early next.

Part of it is the shower, and just not knowing if I’ll be getting the finishing touches there. I think a few people have come out of Christmas realizing that I’m having a baby in about a month and a half. I’m starting to get asked when and where it’s going to be, and I have no idea. I’m actually fine with not having one, but I just need to be aware of the details. There’s a ton of stuff that I can manage without. But if I’m not going to have a shower I need to start buying a few things. (Mattress, change pad, diaper pail, ect.) I know MFH was hoping to do a beer and diaper party as well…so maybe we’ll just do that?

Whatever happens, the fact that we’re on the other side of New Years means we don’t have long to wait now to see our Spawn on the outside. I feel more excited daily. Still balanced well between “GET OUT NOW!” and “No-no-no, too fast.” Every time I get those weird pausing vibrations I assume are Braxton Hicks, I think about how my body is gearing up to the big day.

Which is probably why my New Year’s resolutions are so simple this year:
1. Stay off insulin so that my midwives keep my primary care
2. Have a baby
3. Everyone lives

Yep, I’m good with that.

Happy 2014 to you all!


The Dream

I should have talked about this already, but I didn’t want to mar my thanks with this post.

I had a dream this past weekend. In it, I was in a massive multi purpose big box store. Let’s say Target for simplicity. I was wondering up and down the aisles when I passed by the feminine hygiene products. Just like I do in real life, I sort of smiled realizing that I haven’t had to use any of those since May.

Then blood started running down my leg.

I literally had a moment of confusion…like, “Wait, was my period supposed to start…?” Before it occurred to me that no, it absolutely was not supposed to start, and bleeding like this was a very bad thing.

The dream got progressively weirder/worse, as I went from thinking how Spawn was younger than the youngest a baby has ever survived preterm to panicking at the hospital when triage was ignoring me.

Spawn was moving around like crazy, so I felt that if I could just get help, everything would be okay.

A woman, not a nurse or doctor, just some random older woman at the hospital came to me and put her hand on my shoulder. She looked me in the eyes and said, “You haven’t lost anything yet.”

And then I woke up.

I think if the random woman hadn’t showed up, I probably would have woken up crying or in a bit more of a state. Instead I realized that real life Spawn was also moving around like crazy and I desperately needed to empty my bladder.

I became more and more aware on the way to the bathroom. (Two flights of stairs in the dark with the unbalanced belly of a preggo will do that for you.) I started thinking about a blogger I’ve followed from the beginning of my journey.

She’s always funny, usually positive, and we started trying at about the same time. She already has a beautiful little girl with her partner, but this was her turn to be a mother. I mourned for her a few weeks ago when she revealed that she had taken all the tries she wished to with IVF. It wasn’t exactly a logical reaction. While I certainly don’t know her life, she seemed by all accounts to be rather settled into the idea of celebrating her only child and not getting to be pregnant herself.

Still I was again reminded that not everyone gets exactly what they hoped for when starting the journey to parenthood. I am so blessed/lucky that everything worked out for me (and has continued to work out for me) exactly how I wanted it to. I expect the anger and annoyance from other women who have suffered what I only dreamed about. How could I not understand those feelings? Me, who feels too much for far too many all the time?

I’m still vaguely guilty that I never had morning sickness. That Spawn and I have constantly been given top marks in our health. I still have the knowledge in the back of my head that something could still very easily go wrong.

Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and today is the Feast of St. Gerard, the patron saint of women in childbirth/preggos/mothers and unborn children. While I was busy being thankful, so many women were pouring out their hearts to the children they’d lost, or never been given in the first place. It could have made me feel even more guilty, but it didn’t.

It made me even more thankful.

As much as I sympathize with the women who have lost, I cannot begin to fathom what that actually means to them. I also cannot help but hope that I never am able to fathom it.

The dream was more than enough.

Bumpity, Bump Bump

My bump sort of crept up on me. I literally feel like a couple weeks ago, I was like, “Huh, look, it’s starting to bump up.” Now, all of a sudden, there’s no “starting” about it.

It happened at the office on Monday. I was happily working away [read: frantically trying to finish a major project] when I happened to drip some condensation from my water onto my lap. Then I looked down and realized my lap no longer looks how I remember it looking…

Sitting Preggo Bump

Why hello there…

I was so shocked I sent the above photo to my Mom and LC.

I’ve noticed that the clothes I wear, food I eat, and even the amount of fluid in my body drastically changes the overall shape of the bump. It makes sense, as I basically have a heavily reinforced water balloon full of Spawn hanging out in there. Still, it’s interesting to me to see it change.

I’m assuming that, as I tick closer and closer to my due (guess) date, I’ll maintain more of a consistency with my shape. After all, Spawn will soon drastically take over.

Sleep is starting to get weirder and weirder for me. Not sure if it’s the dreams or the movement or a combo therein, but I find myself in more REM sleep and yet somehow also more tired. The nightly/early morning pee is thoroughly annoying, but I can’t go to bed thirsty or I won’t fall asleep at all.

The dreaming is intense, though. As someone who dreamt a lot before I got pregnant, I sort of brushed off all the dream talk from preggos. Most of them seemed to never really dream (or at least remember dreaming) before they got pregnant, so I had a hard time relating to what they were saying. My dreams have always been strong, deeply dimensional, and usually with at least a bit of a plot to them. They were often pretty enjoyable movies. Simple, 2D movies. Now they’re full-on Avatar in 3D. There’s an extra texture to them that wasn’t there before.

I did have a pretty cool dream the night before last, though, that involved Spawn outside of my body. It was the first dream I’ve had where I haven’t been pregnant, but actually a Mom to a little one. I was carrying Spawn wrapped in a big white blanket around this HUGE house. He/She was about the size of a 10 month old. Here’s hoping it’s a bit of deja vu, and we’ll win the lottery and be in our dream home before Spawn’s one. 😛

More often than not, though, I wake up thinking, “So that was odd.”

This morning, while having such a thought, I was rubbing my belly and noticed it felt rather round. I darted off to the mirror and contorted to see. Sure enough, today it seems I have a proper bump.


19 weeks + 5 days

Don’t ever say I never post belly pictures! (I apologize for the state of my house in that shot. With the moving we have everything everywhere. I’m not usually that messy.) This picture is also a really good example of why I really like maternity wear. My legs/butt basically look normal, and the cut/ruching of the striped shirt gives me definition. It’s so simple, but It makes me happy.

But! The Belly! That sure looks like a bump to me. An almost halfway point bump no less. I expect to get pointier as days go by…

I’ll post a Midpoint round-up on Sunday. Until then I hope everyone has a really fantastic weekend!


Dreams and a Gift

I had my first ever pregnancy dream last night. Except, of course, I’m not pregnant yet…so I guess it was really just more of a dream about pregnancy, but I digress.

I’ve heard/read these can be kind of terrible, so I’m thankful I’m sliding into it easily, as it were… It wasn’t even a Lightmare. (A nightmare where something sucks, but isn’t actually scary. ie: my wedding makeup artist never shows up and I have to do it myself.) More than anything it was just funny.

I’d gotten an ultrasound done, and for some reason it was one of those 3D/4D ones. These actually really freak me out. There’s a reason we keep them in for 9+ months, seeing them in perfect 3D before they’re finished is a bit frightening. They always seem to either look like sea monkeys or mini velociraptors. They are not ready to come out, ergo, they are not ready to be seen in all their…glory?

Anyways, I’ve been reading a lot of Babble.com lately. Yesterday, I was particularly following the babblings of two women (Aela & Diana) who both had twins and who both lost the twins in the middle of their pregnancy.

So I’m sure this is what made me dream that I was having twins. I was actually super excited about this, in my dream, because MFH occasionally looks at me like he’s ordering at a drive-through window except he says, “Twin girls.” I’m not 100% sure if he actually thinks that mind over matter will produce these results, or if he just says it because I have a mini tantrum and scream, “THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!” at him whenever he does it.

He does like my tantrums.

Right, so twins, in the 3D ultrasound, and I’m stoked. I can’t actually remember if they were both girls, but I do remember that one of them had two heads. That seems like something I should be concerned about, though, right? Yeah, except the…um…ultrasoundician? That can’t be right. Ultrasound technician, then. She looks at me and goes, “Oh, don’t worry, the baby just moved its head as I took the picture so we got a double exposure.”

So I get twins and they both only have one head? Fantastic.

To change the subject to real life; MFH brought me home a gift from work today. What, you ask?


The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions

Yeah…he’s HILARIOUS.