Funemployment in Hawaii

For the first time since I started working (oh, about 15 years ago), I’m unemployed. Have been for months.

At first it was super fun! Like a vacation! I could get up whenever I wanted, instead of some time before 6am. I could stay up as late as I wanted without any worry about being a zombie the next day. I could watch movies, play on the internet, even do chores. Whatever I wanted to do I could!

It gets old fast, man.

I started my working career like a lot of kids, I think. I babysat and cut/edged the lawn for a little extra cash. When I turned thirteen, I took advantage of a work-to-ride program at my stable, and became a junior councilor. Things just sort of kept rolling from there.

The thing is, I actually like to work.

Hmm, well…I like working when I have value. I thrive on being busy. Boredom and I are mortal enemies. I would literally rather physical pain than boredom. At least if I stub my toe or sprain something, I have to attend to it. Clearly I’d rather be bored than lose a limb or something, but you get what I mean…

The worst thing about “funemployment” (a term coined by my MoH, LC) for me, is that it stopped being fun about two months ago. That, combined with my recent lifestyle changes and preexisting issues [read: OCD] have made me a little…wonky. My stutter is back. I try not to focus too much on it, because stressing about it only makes it worse and it really, really bothers me.

I also just feel generally bummed out. It sucks on two levels. The first being that it simply isn’t nice to feel blue, and the second being that it really doesn’t do any good to complain about it. Even writing it out here makes me uncomfortable. I really don’t like being a whiner, guys.

Today I met with a headhunter, so I’m hopeful that something will come out of this and make all the rest not even matter. In the grand scheme of things, four months off is nothing, right?

Still, I’d really rather have a job before I’m pregnant. I suppose being a month or so into it wouldn’t be terrible either, but I’d rather not be newly employed and a jerk who goes on mat leave after a few months in the bucket.

I suppose we’ll have to wait and see what happens…

In much more uplifting news, the annual combined birthday party at my in-laws was celebrated yesterday. It’s always themed, and this year we did Blue Hawaii. There were lots of leis and grass skirts, one particularly spectacular mustache via my SIL S in the style of Thomas Magnum, and a flowered coconut bra sported by my other SIL E. The breezy sunshine, great food, and fruity drinks all combined perfectly to make it feel like we all really were hanging out on the islands. It was a little weird not to have a cocktail, but I mixed a sparkling punch that worked almost as well with a little paper umbrella. (It’s difficult to find something that wouldn’t be improved by a little festive colour.)

As far as the food, I made a vegetable tian with green and yellow zucchini, beets, and leeks for my savory offering. (Mostly because I thought the colours would be pretty together.) For the sweet I did a Thai Banana Cake that I would highly recommend. Used some black bananas I had saved in the freezer months ago and it came together with no real fuss. Both just added to the overflowing cornucopia of food that any of these family events ends up being. All the food is so good, and there is so much of it, it’s really impossible to describe to anyone who hasn’t been to one.

There’s a joke/story MFH likes to tell, about my first event with his family. (I believe it was Easter.) All together there ends up being about 15 of us. For desert alone there were four pies, a cake, and various cookies. I honestly can’t remember the main meal, but I feel like it was spread over three tables and would have please even the pickiest of eaters. I turned to MFH and asked, “Who else is coming?” He found that hilarious and could barely choke out that we were it.

The party also marked day 63 of my 90-day preconception plan. May has been my goal starting date since last May. It’s so surreal that the year has past so quickly. I’m really happy (and not going to lie, a little surprised) that I’m having no second thoughts about any of it. This was my plan from the beginning, and it’s almost time for fruition.

Now here’s hoping that the fates fall in line for me. 😉

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Happy Scare Day

Yesterday was MFH’s birthday. I got to take him out for dinner, made him Key Lime Pie, and got him a couple of things to open. He’s never really much of a Birthday guy, so it was nice to make a mini-big deal about things.

So…speaking of mini-big deal…

I had a bit of a pregnancy scare today. Yeah, I know, I’m hoping to get pregnant. But not YET.

Let me explain…

I’ve been regularly charting my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) since February. Even though I’ve got my own BBT chart, list, and graphs in Excel, I decided to chart on Fertility Friend online. Mostly because they’ll do all the diagnostics for you. (I may be borderline crazy about making lists and spreadsheets, but it’s usually the process and not the result that interests me.) Also because I looked at the arrhythmia heart monitor that my temps were trying to imitate and couldn’t really figure out what the hell was going on.

In my defense, Fertility Friend had no clue what was going on either. Their analysis was basically like, “Um, are you sure you’re doing this right?” I was, but it all goes back to my never-the-same-girl twice periods. Twice in a month? Sure! Skip a month or two (or four)? Why not?!

Yeah, lot’s of fun.

I’ve been doing things to correct this, and it’s working (more on that next time when I can take the time to do my preconception cocktail justice). This cycle has been charting beautifully and I could have done the diagnostic myself. There’s just one thing…

Fertility Friend gave me the heads up that I now have a triphasic chart pattern, and this could indicate a pregnancy.

Even though I have a couple days before my (hopefully regular) girl stuff shows up, and despite feeling like the second temperature jump had more to do with the weather and my resent exercise resurgence, I still had a mini panic attack. Could and are seem so close together in my brain, and that’s not really a good thing.

I made it through my barre class without thinking about it, but my antsy energy after had me hitting the Eaton Centre for a burn off. I actually walked into two different pharmacies, stared at the $20 pee-on-a-sticks, and convinced myself to walk out. I saw a movie. I headed home.

I did not make it home without a test. I’m also not pregnant (of course).

Next time, I think I’m going to roll up some money and pee directly on it. You know, cut out the middle man. :p