When I hit my blog dashboard this afternoon, I noticed an interesting search strand that brought someone here.
“women in toronto have unrealistic expectations”
Huh. Not sure what to make of that, to be honest. Was this an angry guy (or lady) who got shot down at a club or bar last night? Or maybe it was someone who visited Toronto and had a generally bad experience. On the other hand, maybe they were looking for something actually related to the blog. Maybe they were thinking of the unrealistic expectations and realities of pregnant women, or just women in general. Who knows? There are a lot of reasons why someone might search that particular phrase.
But it did get me thinking.
Most of my own expectations of this experience are based on my own life. Along the way, it’s occurred to me that some of my firm beliefs don’t quite work for everyone. Like my major push for wearing maternity clothing. I am lucky enough to be of a size that I can wear off the rack. I’m also comfortable enough to be able to afford to buy a whole new wardrobe (with special thanks to my mother for her major contribution). Now, I’m not buying designer brands. I’m not even buying a whole lot of the typical maternity brands. Old Navy has been a huge base of my daily wear. Still, for a lot of women, perhaps buying new clothes period is out of the question. Or maybe they are so outside the “average” sizes that they have to special order their clothes. And how dare I be so adamant about this being the best way?
I was off sick from work Thursday and Friday. It was horrible. Obviously the being sick wasn’t great, but that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part, for me, was actually allowing myself the time away. Allowing my assistant to take full reins and operate without me. Giving away that level of control, especially when I know that things will not continue 100% to my standards, is really difficult for me. But Wednesday afternoon I felt the fever come on and knew I needed a day. After going over the details of the following day’s work (waaaay too many times), I felt confident to take off Thursday. My fever broke late Thursday, but I still felt a bit off. MFH looked at me and reminded me that we’re moving in a week. Add that to being pregnant, and I literally could not afford to let myself get over-the-top sick. I took off Friday as well, which turned out to be the smartest idea I had all week.
But I’m still itching to get back to restructure things at work.
Speaking of work, I had an amazing convo with the major players at my office last week. Turns out, they are amiable to me working from home during my year off. This is great, because while I can just stay on Mat Leave if I need to, I can also decide to take it for only a few months and then transfer over into home work for the remaining time. This gives me such a feeling of freedom and so much affection for my job and the people I work with. They are so ready to comprise so that they can keep me and I can have this early year with my child. I never expected that.
And that’s a sad thing. I am so quick to say how blessed I am. I’m rather slow, though, to allow myself to trust that others will do good things. Not necessarily good things for me. Just good things period. I expect people as a whole to be selfish and mean. No idea why, as I rarely find interactions that express that. Maybe I spend too much time reading about negativity on the internet. :p
Spawn was pretty quiet while I was sick. I was getting a bit worried, but after last night and Spawn’s crazy dance party I’m over it. MFH figures it’s like anyone when you’re sick. You kinda stake out a territory and make a nest of blankets and Kleenex around you while moving as little as possible. Then you feel better and have to get a little crazy cleaning and reorganizing your space so that it can transition back into your normal healthy living. Spawn was definitely performing some feng shui in the womb last night. It was like there was a sudden need to make up for all the movement that hadn’t happened over the two days prior.
I think the timing is good, as we’ve got our own major move coming up on Friday. Soon we’ll be in our new home. We’ll be able to stretch out and grow. And then, come next year, we’ll add one more human to our space.
I have some very great expectations…