How Did I Get Here?

It may just be me, but I find quite often that I don’t consciously acknowledge something until either  1. I end up talking/eChatting to someone about it or 2. I dream about it.

Something came up today that I hadn’t really thought about. At least, I wasn’t aware of thinking about it. But then I was eChatting with LC and it smacked me up against the side of the head: I’m nearly halfway through this pregnancy.

Getting my altered due date (guess date) means that I went from turning on Thursday to turning on Sunday. So, instead of hitting 17 weeks this Thursday, I hit it yesterday. It means that I have less than a month until I’m 20 weeks, which unless I go over the 40-week mark, I’ll be halfway done.

I’m having a really (stupidly) hard time processing that. How can I be halfway through this? Didn’t I just start actively being pregnant a few weeks ago?

I’m thinking that this pregnancy has been quite sneaky. Because I don’t really have symptoms, I more or less forget about being pregnant most of the time. I go to work and play with my dog and love MFH…and it all seems pretty standard.

In a way, it reminds me a bit of getting married. Like there was SO MUCH TIME and then, suddenly, there was no time. I suppose having a life where things fly by is not the most terrible thing in the world. After all, time flies when you’re having fun is an excessively correct idiom for me personally. But sometimes I stop to catch my breath and think, how the eff are we here already?!

But I’m pretty excited to be here already. I mean, I’ve got the anatomy scan on Sept 30th. And once I hit 20 weeks, I’m so close to viability it’s mind boggling. (Obviously, my preference is to go full term, but the idea that there is a chance – from 26 weeks on even a really good chance – of survival is so comforting.)

The second half of my pregnancy is all happening during some of my favorite times of the year. Thanksgiving (both Canadian and American), Christmas, and New Years will be celebrated with the Spawn in tow. (Although I guess that’s true for the next 20+ years as well…)

It will also be the last time MFH and I celebrate these holidays as a childless couple. I plan to enjoy them with my non-alcoholic mulled cider, husband, family and friends. Because everything is going to change. And I’m weirdly okay with that. But it is nice to think of doing it for just us, one last time.

On that same vein something else came to me this weekend, while driving up to see my in-laws. I told MFH how excited I was for the holidays this year. I realized, through our talk, that it was the first time since probably high school that I was really, crazy, over-the-moon looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years.

I’m excited for the snow and buying presents for my loved ones. I’m excited to sing carols and eat so much delicious food. I’m excited to set up the nursery and count down to 2014. It’s all good, and I’m looking so forward to all of it.

Through talking about it, I think I hit upon the reason why. I am finally in a job that I LOVE, with a man that I LOVE, in a city I LOVE, with every luxury a person of my age and social status could possibly desire. PLUS I have a Spawn on the way. I am more than content, I am overjoyed.

Of course there are bills and dreams and things that I would like to be different. (Unfortunately I don’t have three-quarters of a million to spend on a house in TO, at the moment.) But you know what? I’m pretty damn lucky, and I have very, very little to be unhappy about.

And maybe that’s the key to enjoying the holidays. Maybe you have to sort of let go of the bad and hold on to the realization of how free you actually are. It’s a little bit like being a kid again. I think that’s how I feel.

One last set of holidays feeling like a little kid, before I have a little kid of my own to celebrate with.

I feel like I was watching this last time I was this excited for the Holidays. [GIF via kuki4982 of DA]


4 thoughts on “How Did I Get Here?


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