I mentioned many times on here how lucky I’ve been with this whole pregnancy thing. Tired and sore boobs is nothing in the grand scheme of life, and there is a certain level of guilt that goes along with not having a lot of pregnancy symptoms.
It’s not just me — I who manage to feel too much guilt too often for nearly everything. Other women in similar situations have stated they felt the same thing. I guess we feel like if we aren’t suffering either we’re doing something wrong, or there is something wrong with the baby.
Thankfully, it seems, neither is the case.
One thing that I was genuinely surprised at bypassing, was the emotional ups and downs. I tend to be fairly level in general, but I do just feel some things deeply. Around my monthly, though, all bets are off. I might be fine, or I might be a sopping mess that sobs over Tim Hortons‘ commercials. I just assumed that the all over the place hormones would make me crazy.
I asked MFH awhile back if he thought I was experiencing lots of mood swings. I was actually concerned that I wasn’t screaming one minute and crying the next, and I wondered if I wasn’t noticing it because I was living it. MFH just shrugged and said no. When I explained how early pregnancy is SUPPOSED to be riddled with these mood swings, he commented on my levelness as a person.
For pretty much my whole life I’ve had these moments. Most people have them at some point. These moments are where something funny (or not funny, but humorous in the moment) hits you with so much force that you literally cannot breathe for laughing.
I used to call these laughing fits or getting the giggles, but after getting together with MFH we call them “breaking” or “broken.” As in, “Why are you so broken?” (This question inevitably ends up making me laugh ten times harder.)
What does this have to do with me being pregnant?
Well, MFH and I realized that while I don’t suddenly burst into tears or randomly start screaming, I do have more than my share of breaking.
How often, you ask?
Oh, about 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes I’m ALONE when this happens. Other times, just thinking about a past incident will set me off into another one. I get tears, all the blood rushes to my face, and breathing becomes a real challenge. I degrad into not even making clear laughing sounds, just these high-pitch Ey-Ey-Ey noises. When I do finally manage to get my lungs pumping, the desperate gasps I drag in are far too fast. Seriously, one of these days I’m going to hyperventilate.
Anderson Cooper’s Got Nothing on Me
But it’s kind of great that the worst thing about my “emotional” pregnancy is I laugh too much, too loud, and too hard.
MFH and I are looking for a new, larger place to move into in November. So far the searching hasn’t been as easy as we were hoping for, which is both frustrating and just simply annoying. I understand that there’s nothing a building manager can do if they don’t have a two or three bedroom. They can, however, refrain from offering me a bachelor instead.
Added to that, In the new year we’ll be getting a car, so I’m all over the various used car boards trying to figure out what’s big enough without us having to drive around in a van.
And then of course the Spawn will arrive sometime in Feb/March. Mustn’t forget that. 😀
For now, I’m going to just keep up a good dose of giggles to help me get through the bad and enjoy the good. After all, I’m 15 weeks today. I get to see my midwife next week, and soon I’ll feel Spawn swimming around. (I may have already…air bubbles in the tummy seem to have similar symptoms to swimming Spawn.)
What’s there not to laugh about?