1st Trimester Horrors (It’s not what you think)

I’ve always been a big horror fan.

I think it’s maybe because Scream came out while I was just a freshman in Highschool, and sort of relaunched the whole genre. We used to always grab at least one Horror flick for every social gathering/party my group of friends or I hosted. By the time I’d gone off to University, I felt like I’d seen everything.

Soon, though, creepy/funny horror gave way to the pure gross out horror that is so prevalent today. If I want to see pieces of bodies carved up, I go to a butcher…but that’s just me.

The one type of horror movie I still adore, is the monster movie. Whether a true to form Hammer type flick, or a more subtle tale of good and evil, I’m down. There just has to be something not of this world going on. Angels or daemons, a true monster, or a misunderstood curse…not a mentally disturbed person who likes people to hurt themselves and/or others.

But I’m running a bit off topic here. What’s the point?
I feel like I’m in my own personal monster movie at the moment…and I’m the big and scary. 😉

Susan Strasberg in Scream of Fear

Susan Strasberg in Scream of Fear

Frankenstien‘s Monster
You know how this poor guy just couldn’t keep himself together? Whether a mixup in the brain department or just…you know, being randomly sewn together pieces of dead people, Frankenstien’s Monster could never catch a break.

I’m certainly catching many breaks, but I do feel like someone replaced my brain, boobs, and on occasion stomach with someone else’s. There is also this feeling that I’m no longer Ms.I, but rather the long-term residence of the Spawn. The ill-fated Monster in Shelley’s story never got his own name. In a weird reversal of that theme, it seems that the created has taken precedence over it’s creator.

The Vampire
I’m going to be straight with you here. I’ve never been a big sun/heat fan. My favorite beach days are cloudy with a ton of wind. Even so, since conceiving I find myself hotter and less able to deal with the sun. My skin burns faster, and I have to get to A/C or shelter pronto before a massive headache sets in.

Also, the thirst.
The massive desire for fluides I mentioned back when I suspected I was pregnant has not remotely abated. It may not be blood, but constantly saying, “I am SO thirsty,” has definitely made me feel like I belong in Dracula‘s castle.

Doctor Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
You know that amazing “glow” that people always say pregnant people have? Sometimes, I totally do. I look in the mirror and think, “Wow, nice job face.” I’ll feel super cute for a couple of days.

But then…AAAAAHHHH! What is that!?! What is it?! I look in pure astonishment at the massive, lumpy formations hanging out along either side of my chin.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had those deep pre-period bumps before. But never in massive quantities. And they usually never come to the surface. These guys take over my mouth/chin, in all levels of eruption, in amounts that seem completely unreasonable.

Then, a couple days later…you get the idea.

Lycanthrope (Werewolf)
I can smell things from blocks away. My hair and nails are growing at a rate I can see. As if I was watching normal growth in time-lapse. I suddenly feel more active around 2am, and I have this weird, deep-set hunger that is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

Thankfully, I haven’t started growing hair anywhere I didn’t have hair before. Nor have I felt the need to howl at the moon.

But I’m waiting for it…

Clearly, all of this is a bit of a joke for a Friday afternoon, but it’s also to make myself feel better about the symptoms I do have. Until my midwife appointment next week, I feel like I’m in this weird waiting period to confirm what I know in my heart to be true.

I also blame Babycenter for my weird mood. They felt the need to tell me in my 7-week email that as many as 2 in 5 pregnancies never pass this milestone. Thanks for putting that out there in the universe, you jerks. Now all I can think is I may never get to week 8, and I would do a backflip to have a real live medical professional tell me that all seemed well (at this point).

In four days I should know one way or the other. But man, that’s a loooong four days.

Can anyone recommend any good horror movies in the meantime?


2 thoughts on “1st Trimester Horrors (It’s not what you think)

  1. Oh my nerdy/geeky side loves how you put pregnancy symptoms into horror movie/creature perspective. I cannot wait for the insane sense of smell to die down a bit!

    Oh, Babycenter and all the drama…best wishes there. Where I love a small percentage of the women and info on there, the rest are…well…yeah, nothing nice to say there so silent I shall be.

  2. I agree with the Babycentre emails! grrr! I had a bit of a calamity finding a doctor at the beginning so I didn’t actually have a real, live doctor tell me everything was going to be okay until I was 15 weeks. it sucked.
    great post!


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