Okay, before we get started, I’m throwing out a TMI warning: there will be talk of periods. Lots of talk. Sometimes detailed talk. Read on at your own risk.
Still with me? Wonderful, on we go!
For most of my life, I’ve been super concerned with getting my period.
I started ridiculously early, and it came on hard and fast. I’ve mentioned before that my cycles can be crazy, but those first few years were trying. I felt like I needed a full-on sumo diaper, and even then, I couldn’t make it through the night. To call it embarrassing is kind of obvious, but I remember crying to my mother just having no idea why four strategically placed overnight pads still left me with soggy, stained sheets. Gross.
Sometime around 13 or 14 the ol’ girl figured herself out and we normalized to the universal standard. Unfortunately the über cramps and fainting made the whole thing a bit of a toss up. My very angry ovaries could not handle the monthly rejection I dealt them, so passive-aggressively tried to end me by tossing me down stairs and such.
It was like this:With the help of a great pediatrician (I loved her and saw her until I was 21 because she allowed me to) and a panicked mother, that got under control as well.
Of course, like a lot of women I eventually got to the point where seeing a late period was time for a celebration. No one I knew wanted to be a pregnant teen, no matter that MTV might suggest to the contrary.
Now I’m a bit weirded out, because I’m at a whole new phase. I’m really hoping that my current period is going to be my last for a while. Not only did it start late, but it’s my last planed cycle preparing for conception.
It’s like it knew I was waiting for it to show up, so it wanted to be fashionably late. Bitch. (Wow, now I’m the passive-aggressive one.)
As I mentioned before, I’m not getting any second thoughts. At this point, I’m more worried about getting support. Online boards seem to have very little patience for anyone just starting trying. If you’ve tried for less than a year, you really have to just keep your mouth (or keys) quiet.
I get it, in a way. I mean, I can be the world’s most empathetic person and still have no idea what it feels like to try and create new life and fail repeatedly.
But it’s just as new and scary for someone just starting out.
Sure my Mom had no real issues. Sure I’m about as well versed in ovulation as a person can be. None of that means that I’ll get pregnant right away. It may take me a month, but it may take me a lot longer as well. It would be nice to feel like I’m allowed to vent on conception boards the same way women who have been trying longer can. If for no other reason then to have someone who won’t make fun of me if I burst into tears if I see red next month.
Honestly, I have amazing friends who will be wonderful with whatever happens to me. But what about all the women out there who are basically doing this on their own? Who look online for advice and support because they can’t trust or don’t have anyone around them.
Ugh. I just need to make a soapbox, already don’t I? Here you go:
I’m not going to let it get me down, though. I’m excited, and I’m allowed to be excited without worrying about how it effects every other person out there. I’m trying to create a new little life, and I cannot allow my typical worrywart mentality to take over and ruin that.
It will happen as it should, and I’ll be hanging out on my soapbox happy with however it goes.
Won’t you join me?